Random Rants

Heed my advice and leave now.

This morning I woke up (from what seemed to be like a twenty-minute nap) to the thought of “Wow! I do have a split personality.”. I mean I know that I sometimes behave differently among people, but each behavioural outcome is carefully calculated to serve the purpose of yours truly. Last month, my friend almost jumped out of his seat crying, “I know she seems delicate, but she’s only saying nice things to you because she wants something from you,” to our waiter. He was upset because the particular dish we ordered was only enough for one person and the waiter somehow decided to give it to me. He was right but I still got the dish.

Last night when I finally got home after staying very late at work (yes, very difficult to imagine, isn’t it?), I turned on my computer and saw a particular friend was on Skype. I hollered at her saying hi with the intention of getting a weekly fix of “hahaha” and we ended up doing nothing of that sort. We were throwing verbal abuses towards each other for seven consecutive hours (oops, that explains why I came late to work this morning).

“My God, Esther, the level of your bluntness has reached a whole new level.” No, I swear it hasn’t. It’s just that these days, I happen to be exposing just one side of me. The nice side. And apparently, it’s not healthy. And she had to experience the complete opposite of my being nice. I still can’t believe that she was willing to stay with me until morning through all that.

I’m a straightforward person. I say what I think even though most of the time I say it before I think it. Forgive me, my brain works considerably fast but my mouth just works twice the speed. It is actually amazing I’m managing to expose only one side of me up to this day. My own mum would be very impressed.

Last night, I think, was a bit of an exception. We invited another friend to join the conversation (more like a shouting match, really) and it got worse. This second friend said, “That’s what happens when you speak Indonesian all the time.” I think she’s got a point. I happen to be a much nicer person when I speak Indonesian. And when I say ‘much nicer’, I mean ‘less mean’.

And the mean bitch in me apparently has had enough of all the faux niceness. I feel bad for all the people I will encounter in the near future for they may suffer such harm resulted by the eventual explosion of my bottled frustration. I’m glad last night’s outburst happened in the presence of someone who could actually handle it, although distance should take half of the credit as had she been there with me, she would’ve flipped the table at the very least.

Take this as a warning, dear friend. Just leave when I start jabbering about in English, unless you’re confident that you can take it.