Random Rants

I’m over you, nasi goreng!

Let’s rewind to a couple of years ago. I would never dream of being able to say this without looking at myself then, saying, “Keep telling yourself that.” Me and nasi goreng, we go a long way back. I have been in and out of relationship with nasi goreng many many times more than I do with boys. Focus, people. Nasi goreng, we’re talking about nasi goreng here.

If nasi is the most essential thing to my being, then nasi goreng is annoyingly playing the second most important role. It’s like the sister you’re glad to see after being away from home for a year but a week later you start plotting her murder. I love going to places that serve nasi goreng, but somehow I love it even more when I’m not the one ordering it, let alone eating it.

You know why? Because it’s safe to say that I’m rather picky when it comes to nasi goreng. My mother set such impossible standard on good nasi goreng because, I’m not saying this as her daughter, but she really did make the best nasi goreng ever. And I’ve been eating a lot of nasi goreng.

Nasi goreng teri medan never fails to satisfy me, nasi goreng pete is quite interesting though I won’t be craving it in this lifetime, or the next hundred ones. I find nasi goreng sate ayam overrated mostly because I’m not really a fan of sate ayam. And that nasi goreng telor mata sapi is always your safest bet. Nasi goreng tom yam, uuungh, yes please, but nasi goreng seafood? Nah. Unless you’re good at getting rid of the strong smell of baso ikan and udang and cumi-cumi, please spare yourself the trouble. But let’s not tire ourselves out, arguing about all types of nasi goreng there are.

What I’m saying is, you can’t survive here without proper comprehension on nasi goreng. Because it’s a common knowledge here in Indonesia that you judge a restaurant by its nasi goreng. If the nasi goreng is passable at best, don’t bother coming back. However, there is another trick you can do with nasi goreng while pointlessly staring at the menu. If the nasi goreng is over-priced, either you leave that place now or start coming up with acceptable excuses as to why your credit card maxes out on one dine-out birthday get-together, because trust me, that nasi goreng is the cheapest thing at the place.

So at lunch earlier today, to mark my three months of No Nasgor campaign, I celebrated it by eating… nasi goreng. Yes, the body is willing but the spirit is weak (or is it the other way around?). I have to say, it’s like deliberately walking up to your ex-boyfriend who promised you a fancy date but took you to McDonald’s (not that I hate McDonald’s, I’m just looking forward to some real wine) instead.

Anyway, the nasi goreng was supposed to be good, I had expectations and all, and I was ready to pay more than my stingy self would let me. Ask me the antonym of ‘good’ and I’ll drag you there, order that flipping nasi goreng and make you eat it. ‘Disappointed’ can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling. It’s worse than being betrayed. Nasi goreng is meant to be something you have no complaints on. But this one, it’s like everything wrong with food is compiled and served on the overly-ketchuped rice. Yes, I just treat ‘ketchup’ as a verb, that’s what that nasi goreng has done to me.

So yeah, don’t blame me for solemnly swearing that I won’t be eating nasi goreng for another six months. I can live without it, right? Right? There is nasi udug, nasi kuning, nasi kebuli, nasi oncom, nasi liwet, nasi gila and a thousand other kinds of nasi. Or maybe I should try eating fruits like apples, bananas, papayas, melons as nasi replacement. That shouldn’t be hard, right? After all, there are millions of people who feed on bread or pasta or potatoes, I can do that, too. Yeah, maybe if I say this a million times over, I’ll eventually believe this lie.

I once posted a status on Facebook (please note that this was long ago when I was young and silly) about eating rice with chicken teriyaki at a bread shop and a particular English friend of mine commented, “Really, Esther? What on earth were you thinking?” I was thinking, “Hey, if one’s not supposed to order rice at a bread shop, they shouldn’t put it on the menu in the first place.” Again, I was young and silly and defensive.

I’d tell you more about my nasi goreng fiasco, but the waiter is here. “I’ll have nasi liwet, but would it be possible if you fried it first? You know, just to make it a little less liwet-y…” I think she’s giving me what might just be a wtf look. I swear for a moment, I know how Taylor Swift must feel, and I sympathise.